Sunday, October 4, 2015



I was thirteen when my I had my first taste of freedom from living 
under the constant threat of a physically abusive father. I had run away from home and finally returned after my father had been ordered by the courts to leave our home and allow my mother to begin divorce proceedings against him and have a restraining order against him. I was no stranger to violence. I thought at this point though that the nightmare will behind me and that now I was free and I would be able to live my life the way that I wanted to without someone constantly trying to hurt me. Little did I know it was just the next chapter of unimaginable abuse.

I was playing on some swings on the top of a little hill when a young man that hung around the neighborhood I had seen before, he was one of the older guys, came up to me and started talking to me and he said hey it’s my birthday tonight we’re having a party in the woods. Well I had never been to a party I was only 13 I wasn’t allowed out at night. I told him that I didn’t think I could make it because I wasn’t allowed to go out at night and he said why don’t you just sneak out? I had never thought of this before and he said look this is were going to be. He gave me the location down in the woods. He said meet us down there at 10 o’clock and you can celebrate my birthday with me it’ll be a lot of fun we going to have beer. Then he said you know I’ve seen your father running down the street after you chasing you with the belt. I thought that was kind of a strange thing to say I said well he doesn’t live with us anymore. He said oh really? Yeah he’s he’s not there anymore. He said oh good. Littl I know this was the beginning of grooming, cornering me to attack me.

That night after my mother went to bed I did sneak out. I snuck out the back door and I ran I felt so free and so in control and so fun I couldn’t believe what how luky I was that the older boy invited me to his birthday party an gosh I felt so special. When I got there I was offered beer I felt so grown up here I am hanging out with the older kids. I think I may have drank two or three beers when suddenly flashlights started coming and there were some yelling hey you kids! It was the police. I started running and I ran straight into a tree. That young man that had invited me to his birthday party he picked me up and carried me and ran with me we ran out of the woods and got to the front of one of our friends houses. Finally we had ditched the cops at this point I was so drunk and dizzy I lie down on the ground and began to throw up because I was drunk.

The young man held my head and my hair is like puke in front of my friends house on my friend’s front lawn. After I was done throwing up another older boy who had a car said hey let’s go to Lake Auburn and we can go in the woods there nobody will bother us so we all climbed into the car and headed off to the lake. I sat on the young man’s lap and he put his hand down my pants I did not get even have pubic hair. I felt silly and nervous and strange he said peach fuzz and I just giggled I was scared but I didn’t want to seem like I wasn’t cool so I just sat there kind of frozen. When we got to the lake I had to go to the bathroom so I said I’m going for a walk into the woods I have to go p and he said I’ll go with you so you don’t have to go alone we walked little deeper into the woods. Suddenly he said get on your knees. I did not have any idea why he would say that but I was scared in the way that he said it I knew it I better do what he said. He unzipped his pants and pulled his penis out if his pants. Suddenly the whole world went blank.

In the morning I woke up sleeping in the basement of one of the boys parents house I felt like the whole world had gone from color to black-and-white I knew what happened and I felt deeply deeply hurt and violated . I walked up the stairs to go into the house and the door to the top of the stairs of the basement open and there was my rapist standing there looking at me he laughed she smiled he said oh you’ll be OK. I started crying and he came up to me and put his arm around me. I was stunned.

The next day I made a couple phone calls to friends and told him what happened. Word got around to him that I was telling people what he had done to me. His girlfriend called me and told me that he told her that I had seduced him and that everything that I was saying was a lie. I didn’t know that what he had done to me was a serious crime and that the repercussions would be even worse than I could ever imagine. What I now realize happened was I lost my childhood I lost my innocence I was no longer a girl. I don't know what I was going on...I began acting out I began accepting drugs that were offered to me, LST, booz, anything. I began skipping school running away from home. I was out of control.

Two years later there was a knock at my door. I was home skipping school that day. I opened the door and there he was standing there - the rapist. I was still a child and I thought he’s here to apologize to me and he asked if he could come in and so I let him in. He had a look in his eye it was a very strange look you gave me a sick feeling in my stomach and I began to feel frozen and paralyzed he began saying strange things to me and he asked me if I wanted to have sex I was frightened I didn’t know what to do I just said yes to everything that he said and he raped me again I was only 15. When it was over he looked me in the eye and he said now you remember you are nothing good for than just a blowjob and he left. I was never the same after that at that point the damage was completely irreversible.


I was a robot I was just a shell of the person that I had once been I was under his complete control and command he came back to my house many more times. He ordered me to steal my mothers car to come visit him in the country so he could sexually abuse and rape me over and over and over. No one knew this was happening. I was alone I was completely under his psychological control. My behavior became more a radical. I had a complete mental breakdown and put a bunch of clothes and a plastic garbage bag and hitchhiked down the East Coast to get away from what was happening to me I was nearly raped again by two truck drivers in Florida. I went to a church and ask for help but I couldn’t trust anyone every time I turned around to trying get help I just couldn’t trust anyone that said they wanted to help me. I ended up meeting a guy on the beach and he let me come and stay with him at his apartment and got me a job selling timeshare condominium on the beach. This went OK for a while but my behavior was very risky and I got myself into a lot of situations with men where I would expose myself to possibly being raped again and again and again I did not understand what was happening to me.

I finally turned myself into the police as a runaway and I was transported back to Maine. My mother didn’t understand why I had run away and had no idea what I was going through I have no idea what I was going through.

When I returned he came after me again for another year more abuse until finally I got pregnant. Still no one knew what I was going through and what he was doing to me.


So I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood and it was confirmed I was pregnant I told my best friend and then I told my mother told my mother who it was that we contacted his mother he was 23 years old by now I was now 17. My mother and his mother talked me into getting an abortion so the four of us piled into my mothers car and drove to Portland Maine to Planned Parenthood or I would have the procedure to terminate the pregnancy but at this point now I had bonded with my rapist. This is Stockholm Syndrome and I know felt like my life was connected to his and that my survival depended on him. I told them I couldn’t go through with the abortion and I carried the child to term and gave birth to a beautiful 7 lbs. 3 oz. baby boy.

My abuser moved into my mother’s home with me and we began looking for an apartment to become a family with this new child that I just come into the world I was still pretty much a zombie. I was as if I was acting in the movie that was written it wasn’t a real life I was just going through the motions mother partner trying to keep it all together I began having terrible migraine headaches and anxiety I had no idea that I had developed post traumatic stress disorder the relationship was psychologically emotionally and mentally abusive. Living with an abusive sociopath took its toll I lost so much weight I look like a skeleton after a couple years of living like this one day I woke up in a pure shock what was I doing what was going on oh my God I have to get out of here.


I immediately made a phone call to a local domestic violence agency and explained that I was in a terrible violent situation and I needed shelter I demanded that I go to section 8 housing certificate immediately the woman on the phone said we don’t work that way I said well you’re going to work that way today because I have to get out of here. I don’t know how she did but the very next day I had a section 8 certificate and I found an apartment and within two days I was out of there.

I started having horrifying anxiety attacks and nightmares are you sought help I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder I was given Xanax which did not help me it actually made me feel depressed if it was just awful. I thought therapy and through talking about my childhood I was then diagnosed with a dissociative disorder along with anxiety PTSD was not as well understood back then as it is now. I live for several years with bouts of anxiety and depression flashbacks and nightmares one day when I was working in Silicon Valley I received a letter that the rapist had saw a court judgment against me because he had sued me for custody of my son I owed him $27,000 and the court order was final. Nearly fell to my knees. The world started scanning the human resources assistant was yelling at me because now she was going to have to process the deductions from my paycheck it was all surreal I couldn’t believe what was happening I had a complete mental breakdown at this point.

My doctor put me on temporary disability and I took some time off I lost my management position but I was able to go back as an engineer I could barely function I began drinking heavily and I quit my job. My relationship with my boyfriend ended I lost my cottage and moved in with a close friend I couldn’t function I tried to get new jobs and I just could not hold onto them the drinking got worse. Finally I had to do something to move on so I moved out of my friends house and into a homeless shelter because I had to get help so I could move forward but nothing was helping going from shelter to shelter and just trying to survive was not helping at all finally a dear friend suggested I stay with my parents for a while which I did that was a blessing because it turned out that my step father was dying of cancer and he died later that year. I stayed with my mother so she wouldn’t have to go through this alone in four months later one of my brother died of a heart condition that he had had since he was born threw up going through all of this with my family I started feeling on the verge of another breakdown fortunately for me as a musician with the catalog of music under my belt I reached out to the Grammy associations Musicares foundation that helps musicians in need and they transported me and my music equipment to New York City where I began the process of recovery. I went into recovery from alcohol abuse and that all was going well but I still had the post traumatic stress and therapy was not helping at all it would not stop.


I was filled with fear and shame, self-loathing and helplessness. I could not make it stop. The hopelessness, I hadn’t slept in over three weeks literally. I overdosed on over counter sleeping aids and I figured I better stop doing that since it wasn’t working and I might actually OD and died one of these times. Ambien made me hallucinate my body parts floating on the other side of the room. Valium did nothing. My doctors office closed down and I was out without medical care for six months I could barely leave my apartment except to get food.

The illness I suffer from is Complex Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and had a complete mental breakdown several years earlier that left me unable to work. I lost my job my boyfriend and became homeless. I drank a lot. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I had been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and dissociative disorder in my early 20s but I was highly functional until my breakdown - that’s the “post traumatic” part in PTSS or as it is known in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) C-PTSD – Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had been severely depressed for six months and lost the final ability I had been able to retain through all of this which was writing music.

At this point I knew I was in trouble. I knew about MDMA assisted therapy.
MDMA is a psychoactive drug of the substituted methylenedioxyphenethylamine and substituted amphetamine classes of drugs that is consumed primarily for its euphoric and empathogenic effects.Wikipedia

I had applied for the clinical trials through the MAPS organization, the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies.

In MDMA-assisted psychotherapy, MDMA is only administered a few times, unlike most medications for mental illnesses which are often taken daily for years, and sometimes forever.

MDMA is not the same as "Ecstasy" or "molly." Substances sold on the street under these names may contain MDMA, but frequently also contain unknown and/or dangerous adulterants. In laboratory studies, pure MDMA has been proven sufficiently safe for human consumption when taken a limited number of times in moderate doses.” ~ Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies -

I was not accepted at this time I think that’s when I really began to deteriorate. I gave up. I was sleeping at all. Finally I said goddamnit you have got to do something or you’re going to be a zombie for the rest of your life.


I picked up my thousand pound cell phone I called an ex-boyfriend who I’m very close with I said I need help I’m in really bad shape. I need to do MDMA with a guide he said hold on one sec. Within five minutes he said get a hold of this person. Within an hour the person got back to me and he said let’s talk tomorrow. He said I’ll find someone near you. Within a week the work began.


The work began with a brief phone call then Skype sessions. To prepare to undergo an MDMA session involved talking a lot about the traumatic events that caused the post traumatic stress syndrome and the problems that resulted from all of that. We did this a few times to get to know each other and establish trust.

A week before the session I was sent some instructions and information about the session. It went basically like this: (Note: I share this only as part of the story I am telling. Do not attempt to do this by yourself and do not attempt to do this with a friend or someone who is not an experienced guide it could be harmful.)

    Organize your week so that you do not have a super charged work week. Begin to create time to slow down, time for contemplation and rest

    Develop your intention around the work. What are some questions you would like answers to? What are some ways of being are you ready to retire, what are you ready to let go of? What are you willing to open up to and accept and what do you seek clarity around? Give your time to explore what this work is for you.

    Write your intentions down and bring them with you

    Eat lightly, avoiding red meat, pork, spicy and creamy foods No alcohol for one week prior

  • No recreational drug use

    Avoid any sexual relations for 3-4 days prior

    Take some walks in nature for preparation for the work.

    The day of the work:

    Bring comfortable clothes

    Consider bringing photos from your life, family, friends, images of significance to oneself or around which you would like to do some work

    If there are objects that are important to you feel free to invite them into the space. You may bring them with you.

    I will be there with you throughout the work to be available for all your needs and managing the space. We are creating a safe space together so that you may enter fully into the inner exploration at at.

    3 agreements as your guide:
    As your guide I will announce the conclusion of your journey, you agree to not leave the space without my permission until the conclusion of the work together

    As your guide I will not allow you to hurt yourself, the space is otherwise yours for your expression

    As your guide I will not be sexual with you

    At the completion of the work there will be some light snacks and an opportunity to rest and get grounded prior to our parting. I will be checking in with you in 2-3 days to provide an opportunity for integration of the experience.

    Suggestions for returning to daily life:
    Have the next day to be a slow re-entry, do not jump back into high energy environments

    Eat lightly, get sufficient sleep, avoid a lot of time around TV and computers and other electronic devices.

    Some individuals experience some restlessness or difficulty falling asleep for a day or two. Lie in bed and rest anyway.

    Have a small journal around so that you may jot down, draw whatever i significant to you. You may have dreams through this period.”

    I was very happy with this information and guidance and felt completely prepared. When I arrived at the location it was very comfortable and well-suited for an MDMA session I felt safe in my guide told me that whatever came up for me or need it he was there to provide a week before the session he sent me some homework to contemplate and preparation. We gathered on a seated cross legged on the floor and quieted our minds and spoke of our intention. We used sage smoke to ceremonially cleanse our energy. I want to note here that I am an atheist, I told my guide this very clearly, and I do not claim any metaphysical or shamanic beliefs that I cannot provide evidence for.

    After this little ceremony I took the capsule. I felt slightly anxious but not terribly fearful or anything. Soon I began to feel tired and lightheaded so I lied down. He gave me an eye covering for my eyes and put a blanket over me.


    Memories started rushing through my mind like a tornado. I sobbed uncontrollably. My guide gave me a smooth rock to hold. I hung onto that rock for dear life. The pain, the pain I had dissociated from during the many abuses I survived came to the forefront of my mind, heart and body. It was brutal. All I kept thinking is I NEVER WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN. MAKE IT STOP.

    This level of intensity I experienced for at least 3 hours.
    I was paralyzed with fear every toxic feeling that have been pushed into be by your sociopaths criminal was coursing through my mind and body tears were streaming down my cheeks I was gasping for air I was gasping for life I’m not going to survive this this is too much. I don’t want to see this I don’t want to remember this please why did you do this to me? Why? WHY? Evil things of been speakable horror swirled around me while I blew through time and inner-space. His face, his mind spoke directly to my mind. “I own your soul!” “I own your body. You are not a human. You are a piece of shit. You are nothing good but for a blow job. You are now my property and every command you will obey. You are my slave.”

    When the intensity calmed down I turned around and looked at my guide. I said I think I understand why the people that hurt me did what they did but I am not ready to forgive them. My anger and rage were just beginning to surface. But at least I was no longer numb. I never wanted to go through that again.
    After a few days I began sleeping again. This was really the only thing I had wanted from this session, I wanted to sleep. Just this one thing was like a miracle to me! I was so grateful for this. But after a few months I realized I needed to go deeper. I did not know what that meant but I realized I was not healed yet, my life was not moving forward and I was beginning to feel depressed again. I knew only one thing.

    I had to do it again.

    To be continued...THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH

Tuesday, September 29, 2015


If your intention is to move beyond the conditioned mind but your are very ill, constantly in pain or mentally ill how do you deal with it?

There is no one right answer to this because many people have had sudden experiences of blasting through the level of thought while in tremendous physical or psychological pain. But for most people it is a gradual process. If you would like to see a video of Eckhart Tolle discuss this process as being more gradual watch this beautiful video here:

I have been discussing this with several people lately and have met people dealing with some painful conditions like lyme disease, sensitivities due to mold and I myself live with Complex-Post Traumatic Stress disorder. These things do not go away overnight and many diseases have no cure. So, after an opening to awareness retreat I did this weekend with Adam Chacksfield, meeting a woman there that suffers from lyme disease, some other beautiful souls I have been talking to lately as well as my own attempts to have healing work done let me start by saying what NOT to do:

~ Do not allow anyone to tell you to snap out of it
~ Do not allow anyone tell you that you can stop suffering
~ Do not allow anyone to try and make you wrong
~ Do not allow anyone to give you “advice”
~ Don't let anyone tell you because they are doing it a certain way that is the way you should do it

Obviously, if you are suffering from sort of a disease you may choose to see a medical doctor. This is a good idea. But don't let doctors bully you either. When you are in a sensitive state or trying to heal what you need is loving, accepting people around you that understand you are wanting to heal yet understand there is tremendous suffering involved. You deserve love and compassion and don't stop looking for it until you find it. That's where love and compassion for yourself starts. Get yourself out of power trip situations. You have your own innate wisdom and all you need is space and love to find your own answers.

Whether you are right or wrong is not the point. Mercy is the point. You already suffering, you know that. Find people that are awake enough to love you just the way you are and maybe in that love you will find your own path to healing. You don't have to go through it alone. There are people who care. Find them. In this choosing of your own right to be loved in this way you will experience grace.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015


Meditation. Have you tried it? What was it like? Did you love it? Did you like it? Did you hate it? Have you tried guided meditations? Focusing on your breath? Repeating a mantra?

As a good student of new age beliefs, yoga and Buddhist and Advaita teachings for many years I meditated. Or at least I tried to. I followed instructions. Keep your spine straight. Focus on your third eye. Focus on your breath. If your thoughts wander, and they will, just focus on your breath again. If you can't sit up then lie on your back and at least your spine will be straight.


Just sitting. Have you tried it? Ahhhhh...just sitting. I discovered sitting after an experience I had that my spiritual guide, a real human one not a spirit guide, called an “opening.” Apparently these “openings” can strike at any time. Which is a good thing.

What happened was I was writing a list of ideas known in the business world as “idea generation.” I do this every day. I write a list of 10 ideas for some problem or business or life issue. I was writing my list and suddenly all my thoughts stopped. I can't remember if I was done with the list or not! But, this stopped me in my tracks. I suddenly felt like the inside of me was expanding and a part of everything around me. Noises did not bother me. At all. And I have always been seriously averse to any noise I do not make myself. And I felt like I was going to keep expanding – forever. I had no problems. Nothing needed to be solved and I felt completely content. I just wanted to sit there and keep experiencing it. Well, I didn't have much of a choice because it was happening whether I wanted it to or not.

This experience lasted fore about 4 days. I kept in touch with my guide and we made plans to see each other in person. All I wanted to do was go out in the forest and sit under the trees. Luckily I live right next to a forest. I also wanted to run a lot, my body loves running. But sit, sit, sit was the thing I wanted to do the most. Meditation never crossed my mind.

As the experience has lessened in it's intensity a bit I still wanted to sit so I began sitting every morning. I wrote about this in the previous post about “Meditation” but I have to come clean with y'all and say I really would not call it meditation although I guess technically it is.  But not really.

So, one of the check ins with my guide he asked me how I was doing and I told him about my sitting discovery. He said, yeah, that's what we do we sit. I said, bit I don't focus on anything I just sit there, I don't even focus on my breath (I thought the meditation police were going to come knocking on my door). He's like yeah, that's what we do. We just sit and we notice.

Why didn't anyone tell me this before?

Well, what I have learned since then, it's been about a month, is that different traditions have different styles of meditation (obvious) and they are very disciplined about the way they do their meditation. Those ways never worked for me. I'm here to tell you if you hate meditation you may want to try just sitting.

I looked for some material to continue my contemplation studies on my own and found Radiant Mind by Peter Fenner. In the beginning of the book he talks about people that like to meditate and people that don't like to meditate and it was fine not to want to meditate. I was like, phew, good, I'll read the book. WOW what an amazing book, blowing my mind and talking all about what is happening in these “openings!” But the thing that really blew my mind was when he introduces sitting. Just plain old sitting! I was like I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE. Ha ha ha.

Here is what he says about sitting:

“Just sitting” is designed to create such supportive conditions. In this way, it directly supports our cultivation of unconditioned awareness. The aim of sitting is not to sit for its own sake. In nondual practice, it’s not meditation, as such, that’s relevant. Meditation or sitting is only relevant to the extent that it supports us in experiencing unconditioned awareness.”

Fenner Ph.D., Peter (2007-07-01). Radiant Mind (p. 63). Sounds True. Kindle Edition. 

Yahoo! I'm free. No more forcing myself to try and find my third eye...wherever THAT is.

So, I did meet my goal of waking up every morning at 4:00 AM for my “just sitting” and I pretty much jump out of bed to do it it's so valuable to me. And of course, I study this whole phenomenon of opening every day. My days are spent in contemplation and I will talk about contemplation next time.

Have a great day!

Saturday, August 15, 2015

What To Do When Everything Goes Wrong

Everything went wrong this morning.  I mean almost everything.

1) I did not hear my alarm at 5:00 AM

2) I canceled a date because I really wanted to hang out with a good friend that not only do I really, really enjoy his company he has a business I want to learn from.

3) My good friend had other plans and would have invited me first to go boating if I hadn't already had a date and now it's too late.

4) I was ACTUALLY supposed to go canoeing today and didn't find out until the reminder went off ten minutes before I was supposed to be there!  I forgot to set up reminders incrementally days in advance to make sure I wouldn't forget.  Now everyone is pushing their canoes into the river.  Except me.

5) I tried to log onto a webinar with a non-dual teacher I am going to do a retreat with next month (since I am now home and everything has gone wrong) and no one was in the meeting.

I was so disappointed.  I was so frustrated.  Why me.  Wah wah wah.

There is only one thing that did not go wrong this morning and that is it's the first thing I do as soon as I wake up.

I meditate.  What I actually do is I make a cup of tea and I sit it in front of me.  Then I meditate and when I am done meditating I reward myself with that cup of tea.

But I have to to tell you.  Meditation is it's own reward.  And I'll tell you why.  All that frustration, all that disappointment or even any anticipation of something you may deem of as good is not real.  You are not your thoughts.  The best stuff you can experience does not come from the thoughts you are thinking whether they are good or bad.  It is not who you really are.

The things that you look forward to or the things you are hoping will change or want to run away from are temporary.  Things on the outside are always changing, you can't control the world, you can't control other people.  The one thing you can count on is your true self.  And it is better than any and all things you could ever dream up with your mind.

Below all that thinking and all that feeling lies the true you.  And the true you which is pure radiant awareness is not bothered by any of the stuff you think think is bothering you or any of the stuff you think you are excited about.  Does that sounds boring?

So, what did I do when I felt like IF ONE MORE FUCKING THING GOES WRONG TODAY....!  I stopped everything and I meditated. 

I was speaking with my awareness/non-duality teacher two days ago and I was telling him how a lot of very well intentioned people were upset about the state of the world and that the honorable Vietnamese spiritual teacher Thich Nat Hanh said he doesn't think there will be any humans left on our beautiful planet in 100 years.  Talk about shit going wrong.

The people were saying things like, well then to hell with all this meditation crap we need some solutions and we need them now!  We need to get to work and fix this!  And, I agree.  If the house is on fire you need to call the fire department.  But the quandary we find ourselves in is because all of these problems we are facing on the planet now are because THEY HAVE BEEN CREATED ON THE LEVEL OF THE MIND.  As that saying goes, that is attributed to Einstein:

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
Albert Einstein 

So, my teacher said to me, "Tell your friends that the reason it is so important to realize non-dual awareness is that all things arise from it and the solutions they are seeking will also arise from that realization."

And we cultivate non-dual awareness through the practice of meditation.  And study from the teachings of those who have gone before us who simply give us pointers, but these pointers will keep us on track. There is a trick to the kind of meditation that I do and I will be writing about that to explain it and why this kind of meditation can lead you to radiant awareness more directly than focusing on a meditation object, your breath, chanting  or a mantra - although those things are fine to do.

So, what did I do after all that shit went wrong this morning?  I meditated.  Again.

The truth self exists underneath all the noise, it is always there, as it is sometimes described like when the clouds block the sun the sun doesn't disappear.  When the clouds disappear you see that the sun was always there shining you just temporarily couldn't see it. 

Any questions? 


Friday, August 14, 2015

What's One New Thing That You Can Commit to Doing Over The Next Two Weeks...

...That Will Massively Leverage Momentum in the Direction of Where You Want to Be?

I am doing my writing before my running today because I am in kind of a hurry.  When I'm done writing I am going to run (I mean RUN as in JOG RUN) down to the market because I am making a picnic lunch to share with a dear friend this afternoon in downtown NYC in a park.  I already did my meditation and will have breakfast when I return from my run and the store.

What does this have to do with anything?  Well, today's question which is also a challenge is this:  What's One New Thing That You Can Commit to Doing Over The Next Two Weeks
...That Will Massively Leverage Momentum in the Direction of Where You Want to Be?

I am currently recovering from a a sleeping disorder attributed to RLS or restless leg syndrome.  I toook a four week sleep workshop to track my sleep patterns.  (Bear with me I will get to the challenge part, I promise!)  What we discovered is that I really needed to be treated for RLS.  It's very painful and pretty much like a night of torture.  I started doing research on treatments and it is not good.  So, I began cutting out foods that may contribute to flare ups, alcohol and learned that a magnesium deficiency may be an underlying cause.   I began taking a oral magnesium chloride supplement twice a day along with a transdermal application (that just means you rub on your skin) of pure magnesium oil each day.  My symptoms are almost gone and my sleep is much better!  This is said to work will with regular insomnia, too.

So, my "new thing" I want to implement is I want to start waking up at 5AM for the next two weeks.  I wake up at around 6AM anyway and roll out of bed around 7AM.  After the next 2 weeks I want to start waking up at FOUR AM.  But I'm starting with 5AM.

I used to manage a team of technicians and had to be at the office at 5AM so I know I can do this.  Why I want to do this is I want to get my meditation and writing done early in the morning when I have the world to myself.  also, the organic market is open 24 hours a day so if i want to head down there at 6AM I can! Yipppee!

So, tell me, what is ONE thing you could implement that could be a game changer for you, your health, your business or job or creative pursuits?  Post it in the comments!  HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Off to the market...

(Thank you to Natalie Sisson for the writing prompt

Thursday, August 13, 2015

How Do You Start Your Day?

Have you given this much thought or just wing it?  Do you wake up groggy having to drag yourself out of bed or do you jump out of bed with energy ready to go?

What's on your mind?  Are you excited for the day or are you stewing from something that happened yesterday...or last week, or last year?  Or a decade ago?

It doesn't take that much to change the whole trajectory of you day and start experience a new mindset that can begin to shift your whole reality.  The five pillars I use to start my day are:

1) Wake up earlier than I used to.  At least an hour.  If you think this is hard to do this is how you do it.  Even if you like to stay up late (unless are are truly a night person and you work during the night) stay up as late as you usually do but wake up AN HOUR EARLIER than you normally do.  If you do this for a few days in a row you and you enjoy the results of how it feels to optimize your mornings WILL begin to go to bed earlier.  Is TV really that important to you?  I get up, sit on the couch on meditate for 20m minutes.  Don't worry...if that sounds like torture, boring or you don't get it I'll be writing about that in a future post and breaking it down for you in a way that you will get it then you can make your own choice.

2) As soon as I get up I enjoy short inspirational or motivation reading with a cup of green tea.  No checking email or Facebook, no checking my phone.  Right now I'm reading "Radiant Mind" by Peter Fenner about non-dual awareness.

3) The next thing I do is exercise.  I go for a run, even if it's raining or even if it's cold outside, I just dress for it.  But, you can do what is right for you.  Believe me, even ten minutes of a walk or even dancing around your living room or doing jumping jacks or yoga or something will make a HUGE difference in how you approach your day.

4) Eat something healthy, or at least something you like.  Maybe make a smoothie.  Today I had miso soup and a bowl of grapes.  I love having miso soup for breakfast.  Somedays I have oatmeal with blueberries, honey and all natural peanut butter. Yum.

5) Do you find that you feel bored with your life, bored with yourself or feel that you are not creative? The next thing I do is for YOU.  Right after exercise is I then exercise my idea muscle by writing down 10 ideas.  This is called Idea Generation is business terms and it WORKS.  I learned this from James Altucher ( and although he did not invent this technique he says if you do this faithfully every day you will become an IDEA MACHINE.  If you think this sounds hard and you are truly unmotivated James' wife wrote a book called "Become An Idea Machine: Because Ideas Are The Currency Of The 21st Century."  She gives you prompts and you write ideas.  They don't have to be good.  Some of mine are about aliens rescuing me.  Just do it.

So what do you think?  You wanna try it?  Do you already have a morning routine that primes you for your day?  I'd love to know!  Tell me in the comments and HAVE A GREAT DAY!